Only to Play
by Moerae
Summary: [Gravel Kingdom Kaori Yuki] At the end of all things what we regret most is not what we have done, but the things we haven't managed to do. Kira contemplates on his dead brother.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gravel Kingdom. Kaori Yuki does. The woman is a genius... if you haven't read her stuff... go read it now! 

Thanks to Shaq for beta-ing. My second one-shot... well third one-shot ever! A record for me. ^^; 

This takes place after Gravel Kingdom. Enjoy.

  
  
  


**Only to Play**

***

_'I really... only wanted... to play with you....' _

***

That single sentence repeated over and over again within my mind. His last words to me before he disappeared. Before returning back into the sands... the lonely place that had been his home and prison. 

From afar I stared at Raisa play with the sand dragon. The child looked so much like Saga. So very much like Saga. Of course that was to be expected when Raisa was Saga's child, but the uncanny resemblance between father and son was unnerving. At times I could almost see Saga staring back at me. 

Maybe it was the guilt eating away at me for not doing something to help my long gone brother, maybe it wasn't. But whatever it was, I looked after and protected Raisa from the world. Sand biters and sand demons no longer existed, so what else was there to protect him from?

Loneliness... 

I sighed and leaned back further into the trunk of the tree. If Saga was still alive, what would I have done? Would I have forgiven him? No. The answer was simple. He had killed my father, killed Kanai and hurt too many people for me to forgive. But... could I really blame him for being who he was? No... 

Shaking my head I concentrated on the boy and the dragon. Brooding too much on these thoughts would drive me insane. I have already mulled through those questions; there was no point for me to do this again. 

I got up, leapt off the tree and strolled over to the giddy child. I managed to catch him before he landed, falling from Kanai's back. 

"You really should be more carefully, Raisa." 

The boy laughed and hugged my torso. "I know. Kanai was just trying to scare me," he said, fondly touching the dragons snout with small hands. 

"Come on, Raisa. I don't think your mother would be too pleased with me if you got hurt," I said, a small smile forming when I saw the pout on his face.

"Aw... but King Kira," he whined. "My mother can't get mad at you. You're the king after all!" 

I laughed. "Your mother will be mad, and then Queen Worry would get on my case, Raisa." 

Raisa cringed. "All right." He let me lead him away from the gardens, all the while staring longingly at the diminishing Kanai. "Can I come back tomorrow?" 

I nodded and he smiled brightly before running into Sasha's arms. She bowed slightly and I was embarrassed. I still wasn't used to the formality. 

"Mummy, King Kira said I could come back tomorrow," he chattered excitedly. 

"You can't always bother the king like this, Raisa," she said in hushed tones. 

"It's fine. He just wants to play with Kanai." 

She smiled and led the over zealous child away. 

***

_'Hey! I rescued you! Come and play with me!'_

_***_

Why was I suddenly remembering? I sat up in bed and clutched my head. Why do you still haunt me, Saga? 

I sat there, the sheets gathered around my waist, trying to get my breathing under control. Looking to my side, I gazed at Worry. There was no point waking her, it was only a dream. Nothing more. 

Standing unsteadily, I quickly threw a blanket around my shoulders and padded out to the gardens. Kanai slept atop one of the walls, his wings wrapped securely around him to keep out the cold. I shivered under the thin material. I should've gotten something thicker. 

Walking over to one of the trees, a branch snapped under my foot. In an instant there was a flurry of flapping wings and Kanai was beside me. The dragon's eyes were clear and gem-like. He must've seen me shiver because his wings drew me close to his warm body. I snuggled closer and sighed at the comforting warmth. Kanai never changed. Whether he was human or a sand dragon, he still took it upon himself to take care of me. 

We settled on the soft grass and gazed up at the starlit sky. Our breaths coming out in white puffs. 

"Kanai," I whispered, afraid of waking anyone up in this ungodly hour. The dragon made a small gesture with his head to show he was listening. "Do you think... do you think Saga is watching us?" I asked. My voice sounded like it once did all those years ago – small, innocent and uncertain. 

'It wasn't your fault, Kira.' His voice rumbled gently in my mind. It was warm and almost tangible. 

"I know. But..." 

'Let it be, Kirameki.' It came as a tired sigh. He only ever used my full name when he was serious. 

I remained silent, burrowing deeper into his side. It was an odd sensation. His skin was strangely smooth despite the fact that he was made of sand. He was probably the only sand creature left in existence. If Worry hadn't blessed him with the baptismal water, he would've disappeared like all the other sand creatures. Then I would truly be lost. I've lost Kanai once already, I don't think I could've taken it a second time. 

"Do you think he knows about Sasha and Raisa?" 

'I think he would be watching over them wherever he is, Kira. He would be proud and content.' 

Silence reigned. I breathed in the cold night air and watched the still night. 

"Did I do the right thing?" I finally asked, this question had been a thorn in my side. "When I left him in the desert all those years ago..."

'He was trying to hurt you.'

"But... he only wanted to play with me."

He sighed. 'Kira, stop torturing yourself with these thoughts. Saga would not want that.' 

"But I can't. He plagues my dreams. I can't forget what he said to me. How he reached out with his already dissolving hand. He told me, Kanai. He told me that he wasn't going to hurt me when we were little. He only wanted to play. He only wanted to play with his brother." 

My voice cracked. I felt two wet lines run down my cheeks and I swiped at the tears roughly. 

"I shouldn't have left him out there," I choked out angrily. "It was my fault that he was so lonely and bitter."

His wings tightened around me, and I was stunned to see his head whip around with such speed. Angry eyes pinned me to the spot and I could do nothing but stare back. 

'None of that was your fault, Kira,' he growled out. His voice caused shivers to run down my spine. His anger, his frustration, everything he felt flowed through my mind. 

I dipped my head, finally breaking eye contact. "I know.... but I can't stop blaming myself." I felt ashamed for letting something like this get to me. I was the ruler of the Kingdom of Time. If something so insignificant could affect me, how would I be able to handle the matters regarding the kingdom?

His wings relaxed and his head twisted back around. 'I am sorry, Kira. I didn't mean to be angry with you.' He paused. 'But you must let this go. Focus on the future. Look after Raisa and Sasha. I'm sure Saga would be most happy to have you take care of his son. And if Saga was alive, he wouldn't blame this on you, Kira. Let it go.' 

I nodded. Kanai was right. I should focus on the more important things. "Thank you," I murmured sleepily into his side.

Kanai just snorted and covered me more with his wings. For once, I let exhaustion take over my body. My eyes slipped shut against my will and dreamless sleep caught me in its arms.

***

_'You promised me! Prince!_

_'I'll come and find you to play with me again.'_

***

Author's notes: something I cooked up after finally finishing Gravel Kingdom... having stuffed the scanlation somewhere... But yes... all the quotes in italics are from the scanlations... so they aren't mine... if you want to read Gravel Kingdom go download it from Sakura-Crisis.

Also, I know that in the manga Kanai calls Kirameki 'prince' or 'prince Kirameki', but if I made Kanai call Kirameki 'king' or something similar it would make their relationship less intimate. There would still be a hierarchy between these two characters when there shouldn't be. So that's the only bit, I think, that was kinda not manga-ish. 


End file.
